More women at the top or simply better leaders?

“Arizona men’s club is blind to the reality of women,” headlines De Standaard in response to protests and actions supported by the Women’s Council on International Women’s Day. For years, we have advocated for more women in influential positions, believing this would lead to better policies and more balanced leadership. But is that really the case? My perspective is nuanced.

By Anja Moortgat, author of The New Leadership is Female

As a young trainer, a female participant once told me, "I saw you and immediately disliked you." I was catapulted back to my high school days, where friendships formed alliances and others were turned against me. Back to the time when my children were young, standing alone at the school gate while mothers chatted in groups. All those moments taught me that ‘sisterhood’ is not a given. I was too loud, too wild, too…

I have a sharp mind and am highly sensitive, but my neurodiverse brain struggles with reading between the lines. Indirect language, subtle hints, sensing things—I had to consciously learn these skills. Often, I felt more like a man in a woman’s body. Until I discovered I was an Aphrodite, with a strong warrior goddess by her side.

The beauty of female leadership?

Not every woman is caring or soft. Just as there are men who lead with empathy, there are women who are hard, authoritarian, or self-centered. Look at Giorgia Meloni, the Italian Prime Minister with a nationalist and uncompromising style, or Marine Le Pen, leading a party with far-right roots. Female leaders do not automatically behave differently from men. Those who still believe that ‘female leadership’ equals softness and inclusivity are fooling themselves.

Tamara Lenaerts of She & Company pointed me to research by Shelley Taylor, which explores a biological explanation. Women, besides having a fight-or-flight response, also exhibit a ‘tend and befriend’ reaction in times of danger. In ancient times, women gathered their children, covering their eyes and ears until the threat passed. The extreme version of this ‘tend and befriend’ response is the crab bucket effect. A single trapped crab escapes. Multiple crabs pull each other down. Remarks like “I know why she got that job” or “Well done—for a woman” keep women stuck in the bucket. By judging each other, they weaken each other.

Then, there is the queen bee phenomenon: a woman who reaches the top distances herself from those below. The queen bee is focused on her goal, aligns with successful men, and sees other women as inferior.

Why more women at the top are needed

The “30% rule” in social sciences states that a minority group is only seen as individuals when they make up at least 30% of a larger group. This dynamic places enormous pressure on women in leadership roles.

The fewer women at the top, the more they are judged for being women rather than for their leadership. They remain ‘the woman on the team’ or ‘the female leader’ instead of simply ‘the leader.’ They are scrutinized based on ‘feminine’ values: expected to be warm and caring, yet also decisive and strong. Masculine traits like dominance or directness are perceived as ‘harsh’ or ‘intimidating’ in female leaders, while the same behavior is praised as leadership in men.

The crab bucket effect and queen bee behavior decrease when more women are in leadership positions. As a female leader, you have two choices: distance yourself from other women to prove you are not part of the group subjected to biases, or seek out other women to form a collective counterforce, strengthening the position of all women.

Why leadership is not about gender

Scientific research shows that differences among women are greater than the average differences between men and women.

Marlies Brenters, an esteemed expert in this field, explains this in her book The Femdeal. Some women struggle with assertiveness and setting boundaries, causing them to be overlooked for promotions. Others are extremely goal-oriented and competitive.

Women often develop strong leadership skills because they are socialized from a young age to cultivate social intelligence, empathy, and connection. But not every woman inherently possesses these qualities. A woman with low social intelligence, little empathy, or difficulty collaborating will face more resistance in leadership than a man with the same traits.

In my book The New Leadership is Female, I discuss research by professor Janka Stoker (University of Groningen), who found that actual leadership style differences between men and women are minimal. However, one clear pattern emerged: successful female leaders combine both masculine and feminine qualities. They dare to be directive yet supportive and participatory. They embody decisiveness and empathy. It is the balance between power and love that makes them effective, not the fact that they are women.

What truly matters in leadership?

Do we want more women at the top? Of course. But the real question is: "How do we cultivate better leaders?" Because leadership is not about gender—it is about consciousness.

Real leaders are neither inherently masculine nor feminine. They are morally evolved. They transcend their own interests and egos. They think beyond their own circles or political parties and act for the broader society.

Philosopher and author Ken Wilber describes different levels of leadership consciousness in Kosmic Consciousness:

• Egocentric leadership: “Me and my interests”

• Ethnocentric leadership: “Me and my group” (my party, my culture, my country)

• World-centric leadership: “Me and the world” (inclusive thinking, responsibility for society as a whole)

• Kosmocentric leadership: “Me and the greater whole” (long-term vision, planetary awareness)

During crises, leaders who balanced empathy and decisiveness proved the most successful. In the COVID-19 pandemic, female leaders like Jacinda Ardern (New Zealand) and Sanna Marin (Finland) stood out—not because they were women, but because they combined care with resilience. They made tough decisions while communicating with empathy and transparency.

Healthy leadership is not male or female. It is both.

It is decisiveness and empathy. It is courage, love, and passion. More women? Or more healthy leaders?

My stance is clear: I do not just want more women at the top. I want better leaders.

When I started leading goddess workshops, I focused on balancing masculine and feminine qualities in every woman. I wanted to embody a new form of female leadership: power and love. No longer dissolving into the group to belong. No longer people-pleasing or shrinking to maintain connection. But also, no longer the untouchable warrior goddess, alone at the top. You can stand out and experience the strength of sisterhood.

The new female leader consciously chooses cheerleadership. She does not lead by pleasing or fighting, but by being—authentic, vulnerable, powerful. And she encourages others to do the same, from a place of radical self-acceptance. Her motto? You do it yourself, but you don’t have to do it alone. Alone, you are strong. Together, we are unstoppable.